In dealing with depression, I’ve found the most difficult part to be acknowledging it for what it is, and allowing myself to accept the help required for improvement.
As somebody who doesn’t willingly admit fault or defeat, I struggled with debilitating depression for years before addressing it head on. Always telling myself that things would get better, and that I’d be stronger for getting through it on my own, after 3+ years of spinning my wheels without legitimate progress, I took the action needed.
I had seen therapists in this time, through work EAP programs, though they seemed better equipped to help with situational difficulties than mental health issues. A lot of them seemed like “dudes” off the street more than trained and legitimate therapists; but, without spending the money on legitimate credentials, this is what I had available. Folks reminding me to “get a new job” instead of addressing the fundamental depressive issues that lead to my job (amongst other life) dissatisfaction.
Eventually, after years of mishandling my mental health, I sought the help of my family doctor. Unbelievably supportive, understanding, and genuinely helpful, I’ve been on an upward trajectory since seeing him and beginning a cycle of low dose SSRIs.
While I’d been “against” taking medication for this; I also acknowledged that my depressed state of mind was not a credible source, whose advice should not be heeded as gospel.
SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) don’t make you happy. Full stop.
They help to train your neural pathways to better produce, and utilize serotonin (the happy hormone) that your brain naturally produces.
Essentially, if you’ve been depressed for years, you will have done (reparable) damage to your neural pathways allowing your brain to understand happiness. These SSRIs will help rebuild those pathways, so the serotonin already being produced will be used more effectively.
...I think of them as training wheels for happiness. The training wheels won’t ride the bike for me; but they facilitate my natural ability and efforts, focusing them in a more functional way. I might’ve failed (fallen down and not gotten up) if I didn’t have their assistance.
I still notice the things that made me upset, or depressed; but I’m better equipped to deal with them like a functional person, and that’s hugely encouraging.
So, here’s the standard “things will get better” conclusion that you’ve come to expect from these types of posts —but if you take anything away from this, know that what worked for me is owning it, and taking action. It’s my depression, it’s my happiness, and it’s my life. Other folks definitely care about my improvement, but only I know what I’m going through; and ultimately, I’m the only one who could move the needle on dealing with my depression.
Things can feel out of control, things can feel helpless; but I’ve found I always have a choice, and I think we all have the capacity to improve.
I feel good about the efforts I’ve put into improving my life, and there’s no better investment I could’ve made with my time and energy.